Troutball: The Gentlemen's Sport
by Red Witch
Summary: The Brotherhood and the New Mutant Boys come up with an insane game which is really a continuation of the game 'Let's Drive The X-Men Crazy'. It's working.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own anything but an insane game made up by my insane mind has taken the day off on account of insanity. Just enjoy…**

**Troutball: The Gentlemen's Sport**

"So how exactly did Storm break her hand again?" Scott asked Jean while they were in the kitchen.

"Technically she didn't break it," Jean sighed sipping some coffee. "It just got severely bruised. You see Kitty was trying to make muffins again and…"

"Got it," Scott interrupted her. "Wait, she didn't try to eat that muffin too did she?"

"No, Kitty dropped a couple muffins and as Storm went to catch them…" Jean sighed as she pointed to the floor. "As you can see by the new cracks on the floor that wasn't a good idea."

"Now I get the picture," Scott nodded. "So Beast and the Professor took Storm to the emergency room. Wait don't we have an infirmary here?"

"We do. Now that I think about it I don't remember them saying they went to the emergency room," Jean thought. "I remember Beast saying that they had to leave because it was an emergency…"

"Uh huh…Did Kitty go with them?" Scott asked.

"She insisted on driving them," Jean said. "Wouldn't take no for an answer."

"And that explains the screams I heard about a half hour ago," Scott nodded.

"And why Wolverine took off about ten minutes before that," Jean sighed.

"No, I think he just left to get out of the mansion," Scott shrugged.

CRASH!

"And I can't say I blame him," Scott moaned at the sound of something breaking. "I don't suppose we can just ignore that can we?"

"Scott you know we can't," Jean said as she got up. "While the Professor and the others are out it's up to us to be responsible and look after the others."

"Who made up **that **rule?" Scott complained as he followed his girlfriend. "Seriously. I don't remember anybody ever saying that to us."

"Scott…"

"Let's think about this. Technically I'm only the leader when the X-Men are on duty," Scott said. "What the others do outside of the team is their own business. Except if they burn the mansion down but other than that…"

"Well what if they are burning the mansion down? I'm pretty sure I saw Pyro come in earlier with the rest of the Brotherhood?" Jean asked.

"Wait, the Brotherhood is here?" Scott was stunned. "When did this happen?"

"Before the muffin incident and after Logan left."

"And nobody thought to **tell** me about this?" Scott yelled as he passed Jean. "Seriously! I'm supposed to be in charge around here when the Professor is out and nobody thought to tell me…"

BONK!

"What the…?" Scott was stunned when a beach ball hit his head. He grabbed it. "What's going on here?"

"Lighten up Summers," Lance grunted. "We're just playing a game." He was in the living room with the male members of the Brotherhood and several X-Men.

"A game with beach balls and…Are those fish?" Jean blinked. Pyro and Bobby were holding large fish like objects in their hands.

"Yup," Bobby nodded happily.

"Oh sorry about the wall," Sam spoke up. There was a crack in the wall nearby. "I was going for a stolen base and I kind of slipped."

"I **know** I shouldn't ask this," Scott groaned. "I know I should just walk away and pretend this all doesn't exist. But I suppose I am a glutton for punishment. So why not? What are you **doing?**"

"We're playing Troutball," Pyro grinned. "The sport of gentlemen. Gentlemen who don't have any money."

"Gentlemen who don't have **anything**, including common sense," Pietro added.

"Troutball?" Scott blinked.

"Yeah it's like baseball only instead of a bat you use a plastic trout," Bobby showed him. "And of course it's played inside and there are five bases instead of four."

"A **plastic trout**?" Scott asked.

"Well we can't use real trout! That would be a waste of good seafood!" Pyro pouted. "Plus it doesn't smell as bad."

"Where do you get plastic trout?" Scott yelled.

"I know a guy," Todd shrugged.

"Of course you do," Scott groaned. He looked at Bobby, Kurt, Ray, Roberto and Sam. "And of course all of you are playing this stupid game!"

"Hey you get to whack balls and people with a plastic fish," Ray said. "How can you pass **that** up?"

"And people?" Jean asked.

"Oh yeah there's one more difference," Todd nodded. "You know how in regular baseball after you hit the ball you drop the bat then run the bases?"

"Yes…" Scott groaned. "And I see where this is going…"

"Well in Troutball you get to carry your trout and try to whack people as you go to the base," Todd said cheerfully.

"Of course you do," Scott nodded.

"I know what you're thinking, unfair advantage. But here's the twist," Pyro said.

"There's a twist in a game where people hit each other with fake fish?" Jean asked.

"Yeah. See there's one guy on the opposing team that's the Bass Whacker," Pyro explained. "His job is to run around with a plastic fish and…"

"And hit the runner trying to score the bases," Scott finished.

"Right. You sure you never played before?" Pyro gave him a look.

"And I take it that the Bass Whacker uses a plastic bass?" Scott sighed.

"Usually. It's any plastic fish really," Pyro shrugged. "We just call it a Bass Whacker because it sounds more fun. Bass Whacker! Bass Whacker!"

"Okay…" Scott sighed.

"Baaaaasssss Whaaacker," Pyro went on, enunciating the words.

"I get it…" Scott was losing what little patience he had left.

"Bass **Whacker!**" Pyro went on cheerfully.

"Pyro…" Scott gritted his teeth.

"Bass Whacker! Bass Whacker!" Pyro kept saying the words quickly. "Come on, say it! Bass Whacker! Bass Whacker! Bass Whacker!"

"SHUT UP!" Scott yelled. "Will you just be quiet?"

Pyro was for two seconds. "Bass Whacker."

"PYRO!" Scott shouted. He turned to Jean. "Why is this not bothering you? Doesn't this bother you?"

"Scott get a grip," Jean sighed. "Just tune it out."

"Bass Whacker," Bobby said. "You know it is fun to say."

"Baaaasssssss Whaaackerrrrr!" Ray snickered.

"Baaaassssss Whaaaaackaaaaaaaahhhh…" Bobby drawled it out. "That's how they say it in Boston."

"And now **I** am starting to get annoyed," Jean sighed. "So you have to hit this ball with a plastic trout?"

"Oh no, just basically any six pound plastic fish will do," Pyro nodded. "And the Bass Whacker…"

"Bass Whacker…" Fred called out cheerfully.

"The Bass Whacker tries to knock the runner down with his plastic fish," Pyro finished.

"Of course there is a rule about using a fake swordfish for obvious reasons," Todd went on.

"Or one of those large tunas," Fred added.

"Oh yeah right. Or even a plastic goldfish if you're going in the other direction," Pyro agreed. "But that's just common sense."

"I don't think you people know what common sense **is**! Let alone know how to use it!" Scott snapped.

"Donut machine's here!" Jamie came out with a large device on wheels. He had two of his dupes pushing it.

"Donut machine?" Scott asked.

"Yeah I made a donut making machine," Todd nodded. "Thanks Multiple for getting it ready."

"Why a donut making machine?" Jean asked in a tone that she was getting a headache.

"For the seventh inning donut run," Fred said matter of factly. "What else?"

"Rogue's right. You people are insane idiots that should shipped off to Mars," Jean groaned.

"When did she say that?" Todd asked.

"Almost every time your names come up in conversation," Jean told him.

"Just watch the game. It's fun!" Pyro said. "I'm up at bass."

"Don't you mean up at bat?" Scott asked. Pyro gave him a look and showed him the plastic fish he was holding. "Of course…What was I **thinking**?"

"Okay here fishy, fishy…." Pyro held the plastic fish like a bat.

"Bass Whacker! Bass Whacker!" Bobby whirled his plastic fish in his hands.

"Bobby's the Bass Whacker for our team," Kurt explained.

"I gathered that yeah," Scott groaned.

"Hey Bass Whacka, Whacka, Wacka…" Roberto held the beach ball and threw it at Pyro.

"WHACKER!" Pyro hit the beach ball with his plastic trout and started to run around the room. He whirled his fish around wildly.

"WHACKER!" Bobby charged. Soon the two boys were dueling with plastic fish.

"This is just stupid…" Jean groaned as she watched the insanity. "Even more than usual…"

"I'm starting to miss the usual stupidity," Scott sighed.

"Whack! Whack! Whack!" Bobby and Pyro fought with fish while their friends cheered them on.

"Go Bobby!" Ray shouted. "Whack him good!"

"Go Pyro!" Lance shouted. "Kick his Bass!"

"_Let's work together with the Brotherhood_ the Professor said," Scott mocked. "_By_ _working together things will be better_ the Professor said. _Mutants must put aside their_ _differences for the greater good_ he said…Well if the 'greater good' is **this** I'd think I'd rather go back to being enemies!"

"En Guarde!" Bobby shouted as he fought with the fish.

"En Grouper!" Pyro fought back.

"Seriously, what is **this **accomplishing?" Scott asked Jean.

"Well…The Professor has been drinking a lot lately," Jean sighed. "I didn't want to say anything before…"

"That does explain a lot," Scott grumbled.

"What is going on?" Xavier asked as he wheeled into the room.

Just as he wheeled in Bobby threw his fish at Pyro who ducked. "Whacker!" Bobby shouted.

"Is that a…?" Xavier blinked. Just before the plastic fish hit him in the head.

WHACK!

THUD!

"No, it's a bass," Pyro said just before Xavier fell backwards, chair and all.

"Professor!" Jean ran to her mentor's side. "He's out cold!"

"Uh oh…" Bobby winced as Professor Xavier fell to the floor. "That is **not** the out I was counting on."

"BOBBY!" Scott yelled.

SPLORT!

"What the…?" Jamie gasped as the donut maker started to pop out donuts. "I didn't do it!"

"Watch out for donuts!" Lance yelled as donuts flew around the room.

"I'll give you something to watch out for!" Scott shouted as he picked up the plastic fish.

"Scott! Don't…"Jean protested until a donut hit her on the head. "Ow!" Never mind. Get 'em Scott!"

"BASS WHACKER!" Scott yelled as he charged towards the group.

A short time later outside the mansion…

"I hate it when that jerk interrupts my alone time. If Fury thinks I'm going back to SHIELD he's nuts," Logan grumbled as he parked his motorcycle. "There's no way I am gonna sign up for his stupid Avenger Initiative."

ZOOOOM!

"Was that Quicksilver?" The sound of a stampede was heard. "What the…?" Logan blinked.

"RUN FOR IT!" Bobby yelled as he ran with several Brotherhood and X- Boys.

"He's lost it!" Todd yelled as he ran. Well more like hopped.

"Bass Whacker!" Scott yelled waving the plastic trout over his head chasing the boys. "I'M GONNA WHACK YOU GOOD!" He ran by Logan.

"On the other hand," Logan sighed to himself. "SHIELD did pay pretty well. It a good dental plan and every Friday we got free donuts."

RRRRRUMMMBLLEEE!

Logan raised an eyebrow as he saw an avalanche of donuts pour out of some of the windows. "Okay so we've got the donut part covered…" Logan sighed. "Unless Kitty made these…"

"JAIME YOU ARE IN SUCH TROUBLE WHEN THE PROFESSOR WAKES UP!" Jean could be heard screaming.

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT!" Jamie yelled.

"These donuts are great!" Fred was heard.

"Just shut up and keep eating!" Jean was heard again. "I'm trying to keep the Professor from drowning in donuts!"

"I am seriously going to ask Charles for a raise…" Logan grumbled. "Better go in there and figure out what the Hell is going on."

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Ororo was heard shouting.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!" Jamie shouted.

"YES, YOU DID!" Jean shouted.

"Moff Effactly…" Fred was heard mumbling.

"Blob stop eating with your mouth full!" Jean shouted.

"BASS WHACKER!" Scott yelled as he chased Bobby around the lawn. "You're right Bobby this is fun to say!"

RRRRRRUUMMMMBLLEEE!

"It's gonna blow!" Fred was heard yelling.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

An explosion rocked the building as more donuts flew out from the windows out into the lawn. Followed by some yells from Ororo that could not be distinguished. Then the sound of thunder could be heard as dark clouds started to form in the sky.

"OW! OW! OW!" Bobby yelled as Scott hit him with the plastic fish.

"Whack! Whack! Whack!" Scott laughed as he hit Bobby and chased him around.

"Or I could just take another ride," Logan turned around and went back to his motorcycle. "Maybe I'll get lucky and Fury will be out there again and take me away from all this!"


End file.
